Monday was my birthday, so I’m automatically older and wiser than I was last week. Also, I totally forgot it was Easter weekend, and was summoned to my parents’ house to partake in chocolate eating and a Tarantino movie fest (we’re odd folk). In my hurry I forgot to pack my journaling supplies, but I was too busy anyway. So now, as promised, here is the next update from Desire to Inspire:
The Passion Exercise
What passion is starving for attention?
I went with the no-brainer; my passion for drawing.
Why is this passion malnourished? There is a steep learning curve I don’t feel I can get over, my headaches get bad when I draw (left-handed + pinched nerve or something on the left side of my neck = ouchie), I was not encouraged as a child (almost discouraged), I’m afraid of disappointment – failure, or getting good and realizing I don’t like drawing after all
Is this a secret passion? Not really. I tell people about it all the time. I don’t often show my work though.
Am I afraid this passion will change my life? In a way I’m hoping it will, though I suppose there is an underlying uncertainty.
How long has this passion been with me? I used to love drawing as a kid. I loved markers and crayons – colours! I was critiqued pretty harshly and stopped drawing around grade seven, but my interest flared up again in high school when I got into tattooing, and again after high school as a way of combatting depression.
Do I remember where this passion came from? I think I’ve always loved drawing. My mom likes to tell the story of my second Christmas; I was given a chalk board and refused to open any other presents because I was so enthralled.
What would it take for this passion to grow? Time, patience, practice… three things I suck at. Non-judgement would be nice too, maybe low expectations.
How much time? Maybe an hour a day or less. Just some doodles so I can gain some footing. Save the intense stuff for later.
How much money to start? I think I have everything I need to begin, so maybe just some snack money.
What kind of changes in the house? A revolving still-life would be cool, but not necessary. Sine I hate working at a desk I’m ok for that too. Maybe a computer-free day now and then.
If there were no limits, what would this passion ask for? Art lessons, a better sketch book, a cool set of markers (copics, or more marsgraphics), a roll of nice paper, a trip to California
What are this passions’ goals? To explain the cacophony of cartoon-esque stuff that goes on in my head, to be a professional artist, to tattoo again (maybe)
What would happen if this passion was in control? I would work on a portfolio, I would start life drawing, I would look for or create an art group, I would give up video game time to draw
Is this passion real or fantasy? I’ve been struggling with this question for a long time. It seems pretty pie-in-the-sky sometimes, but I think the foundation is solid. I believe I can learn to draw. Whether I become a professional artist or not remains to be seen.
Is this grounded in reality? Definitely
Can this passion participate in day-to-day life? Yes
Can I start to make space for this passion? I’ve been trying to free up more time, which is ridiculous because all I have right now is time.
What is the nature of the partnership with this passion? I think I am more demanding than my passion is right now. It’s pretty used to being ignored. I’m going to have to push myself and start listening more to the guiding voice in my heart.
Finding the Space
Play out each scenario:
Your passion takes over, replacing most of what is in your life right now: I would probably be happier, I don’t have a whole lot going on right now and art would be a better choice than non-stop computer games and aimlessly wandering the internet for hours.
Your passion is integrated into your life, finding its spot in your day-to-day: I can see this happening if I choose to remain casual about drawing. It’s what I’m aiming for right now so I don’t scare the bejesus out of myself.
Out of the two scenarios, the second one is more appropriate for the short-term. At some point if I decide I want to “get serious” about drawing (which I’ve kind of already decided to do but don’t want to freak myself out) I will have to take a more immersive approach and give up some other time-hogging habits. That’s just how I operate.
Passions as Distractions
Am I using this passion to distract from something missing in my life? No more than I use anything else, I guess. I don’t have a job, I don’t have any near-by friends or family, and my husband works a demanding job. Right now I feel like art is what is missing from my life.
The exercise goes on to have you make a schedule for your chosen passion to begin working it in to your life. It encourages you to use baby steps so you don’t overload yourself, and so you can gauge how much time will be needed in the future. I’m starting to plan some mini-dates with my sketch book, 5-15 minutes at a time to do quick sketches throughout the day.